Posh Nosh

One of my favorite little segments on the BBC is Posh Nosh, a spoof on all those hoity-toity cooking programmes which brings "Extraordinary food to ordinary people." The inimitable Richard Grant and Arabella Weir play Hon. Simon and Minty Marchmont and these two are absolutely, deliciously snooty.

I happened upon it one evening and stopped short at Minty's exhortation to "embarrass your carrots completely..."

Here's Simon's statement on food: "I once ate a Flayed Swordfish And Guava Millefeuille that reminded me, in one sweet mouthful, of a Sea Interlude by Britten, a painting by Turner and one of Michael Holding's rampant, perfect-length balls. Sniff your computer screen. What does it remind you of?

"Roasted fruits? A Hockney? Cherry blossom?

"No. It reminds you of nothing.

"Computer screens look, smell, feel (even taste) like nothing. They're devoid of sensuality. People who stare at screens all day should be shot. But there are so many millions of them. There simply isn't time."

• Episode 1: Architect's Fish and Chips -- "We've taken the potatoes out of potatoes..."
• Episode 2: Children's Birthday Parties --"I can just hear them saying, Mummy can I have another Roquefort Prosciutto and Fennel Bruschetta?"
• Episode 3: Paella -- "Bottarga.. it's as firm and moist as Tom Cruise after a hot bath."
• Episode 4: Beautiful Food -- "Look at these sexy Mexican avocados... looks texture, attitude.. a star is born."
• Episode 5: Bread and Butter Pudding -- "Take bred frye hit in yn oyle. Grynde hit with reysons..."
• Episode 6: Leftovers -- "'Dinner' is a middle manager from Leicester sucking up to Japanese clients. 'Supper' is an Italian language student sunning himself on a lovely June evening in Hyde Park, stretched out on one of those picnic rugs."
• Episode 7: Sauces --"Where would you be without me?" "Mykonos."
• Episode 8: Comfort Food -- "Spanish Toad in the Hole: Crapos in el Bujo-- first you need to alienate the chorizo..."